More Progress

We only have one more class left with the model so this is getting pretty close to completion.. even though it doesn't look it. XD 

My illustration project is kind of coming along.. slowly but.. it's hard for me to think when it's so close to the end of the semester.

Sculpture Homework

This is my progress on the home assignment for class. I kinda started working on the face a little cause.. I felt like doing that I guess. Probably shouldn't have yet, lol.. but it looks weird so far, hopefully will look better when it's done..

Just a few more weeks left of the semester. There's so much to do that I don't think I can get done in time.

but instead of get stuff done I've been playing Minecraft, lol. So today I've been trying to just do work, but I feel like there's too much holding me back. The next illustration project wasn't explained well enough, and even after talking to my professor I'm still lost. I think he doesn't even know what he's asking us to do sometimes.

The other professors, if you're stuck somehow say things that just make everything click. But this professor, he'll say stuff and it just makes you feel dumb, and then you're still stuck. I feel like he shouldn't be teaching.

Then uh, I gotta cast the bust that I did, as well as do a sculpture at home. But I don't even know how to break open the mold after I cast so I'm horrified of killing it.

Two thingies to write for art history...

I'm not worried about math though, which is also the only thing I'm willing to do... for once.

My anxiety has been fine lately aside from it being hard to breathe sometimes. In my sculpture class on Fridays I tend to get weak for some reason and there have been a couple times I've almost passed out. I know it's not from anxiety. I don't know if it's from not eating breakfast or something... it doesn't really make sense.

Meh. anyway that's.. about it. Yay talking to myself.

Gawd I feel like shiiit today...
I felt like shit yesterday too, I almost passed out in figure sculpture class.

Today I feel really lightheaded and dizzy and just all around bad.. so I've been sculpting and watching movies hoping I'll feel better. Seems to just make me feel worse though, lol.

Anyway, here's.. kinda what's done of my in class sculpture. Well, it's a little further along now I took this halfway through the class.
We have I think.. one.. or.. two more sessions..? possibly a weekend if the model is available. I really really really enjoy sculpting figures just as much as I love drawing them. I'll probably end up doing more with this stuff , but I still dislike mold making, so if I wanted stuff cast I guess I'd have to hire people. XD

Goddammit

This redo of the project is due tomorrow, I haven't worked on it at all because every time I look at it I get so angry. ..

Sigh..

Silent Hill Downpour

I wanted to do review for Silent Hill: Downpour. but before I do that I want to rage about my illustration class... just a little.
That Lizzie Borden project I was happy to be done with, well I have to redo the whole thing. Which makes me very angry. The things that need to be fixed involve too much work and pretty much has to just be redone or else it'd look all sloppy. Kind of glad I did it in graphite now rather than using ink.

Now, Downpour. I got it because I'm impatient, I wanted to wait for a price drop. And while I certainly done regret purchasing the game at the full price, it's always better to save money still. Oh well, I need games to keep me sane. So the frame rate issues and such everyone has been complaining about, that is most definitely a problem. It annoyed me when it did happen and really a game that's released, I believe, shouldn't even have any of these problems. Also they still haven't put a patch out to fix this problem and I don't know what they're waiting for. They have time to mess around on Facebook but not fix a game that people paid for.

In this Silent Hill you don't get to keep most the weapons you obtain. Because they break, so it's like a... pick it up and beat shit till it breaks, then find another. Bullets are rare, and it actually took me a while to come across a gun anyway but I've always been more the melee type so having no gun didn't bother me. I also saw the picking up objects to use for weapons as a nice thing too because it's kind of more realistic. First Aid kits are also kind of rare, so most of the time I was limping around half dead, but that didn't bother me either.

Atmosphere was.. different but I could feel... something right about it at least. The thing I believe it lacked was the sounds that could easily freak you out in all the past Silent Hills. In this one it was.. well, too silent. XD but aside from that I really did enjoy exploring Silent Hill more than I've been able to in any past ones. They did a good job with the town and I even now want to go back and explore more. There are side quests so that's even better, it makes the game a bit longer. The fear factor of monsters was kind of lost. I remember in the old Silent Hill's I was scared to enter a room because I didn't know what would be behind that door. This one I knew that there wasn't going to be anything behind most doors, and when there was they didn't even approach me half the time. A lot of the monsters like to walk backwards.. away from me...

Speaking of monsters, they were probably the weakest part of the game. There were only four monsters and all  of them were way too humanoid in their design, not scary. One was a blow up sex doll, then there was these monsters in high heels that looked like band members of Korn(Or maybe it's just because of that terrible song they thought would go well with the game.)... and there were these tall things that look like they're dancing when they walk. And lastly there was the guys that just looked like muscular.. guys.
They were all pretty uncreative, I can't see what symbolism they had to connect to Murphy and his story, his reason for being there, especially the sex doll. I think they should fire the monster designers and hire better people.

The otherworld... I think it could have been interesting if I had time to really look at it. But that blasted red light thing that chases you ruins it. It wasn't scary and more of an annoyance... when the otherworld is supposed to be something I absolutely dread because it's horrifying(The good dread..).

I enjoyed the story, I was genuinely curious about Murphy's past and what put him where he was. But I was also curious about the other characters he was meeting. Unfortunately not much was said about them though, and I wish there had been more depth to their stories because I feel it would have given the whole games story more depth and importance too. Aside from them I enjoyed Murphy's story a lot, I thought it was great and up to par with the older Silent Hill's. Probably the best part of the whole game next to the exploration and atmosphere of the town.

I thinnnk that's all I really want to say about it. I liked the game, and I do want to replay it for what I enjoy about it. Unfortunately there are still quite a few downsides so it can't have a better score than maybe... 6 or 7/10 I think is a fair rating. It's average but gives me hope if the developers can realize their mistakes and do better next time around.

This is probably a really disorganized review. Oh well. xD

Lizzie Borden

Glad to finally have this "done". Critique today. I don't really care for it. First project for this class that I haven't been at least a little happy with at the end of it.

Sculptuuure

Progress on my figure sculpture for class. I thiink we worked for four hours. 

I went to open lab today to try and get my casting done, but the plaster was no good so I will have to buy more. Blehh, I just want to get that bust done and out of the way.

Lately I've been feeling really "auto-pilot" like. Hopefully it'll go away, I prefer feeling like I'm actually uh.. here and.. real and stuff. 

Some Stuff

WIP of project for Illustration:

I actually skipped Illustration today because I felt like it would be a waste of time and gas to go. anyway, this is due Monday. 

And the start of my figure for my Figure Sculpture class:

Don't really know if I did it all right but I'll find out Friday~

Okayy

Didn't get to present today. My professor doesn't know what he's doing half the time, it seems.

Anyway, I'm really questioning a lot of things lately with school and my future. I am terrified of taking the wrong.. "path" so I started school hoping it would help me find that right path. But I'm starting to think this will be a waste of time. I can't make friends, so no networking. My art has improved but I don't have any classes left that will actually improve my work more, which will make things till I can transfer so torturous. No time for art and not doing much art? Agh.

I worry constantly about if someone dislikes me, or if they're friendly to me I wonder what they're really thinking. I know I'm looked down on because I'm... me.. I don't like it. I want more confidence, but I don't want to gain that and gain respect through not being me, if that makes sense. Really, the only thing I'm at least a little confident in is my art. Confident in knowing I can improve that but then what's the point if my art gets better and I don't get anywhere?

I'm just so detached, from everything. I'm impatient, I want something so I can feel like I'm alive. I miss when I could wake up in the morning and be ready for another day of new opportunities. Not waking up at 1 p.m., not caring what time it is or what day it is and thinking about death all the time, wondering when it will be my time to go when I should be thinking about what things I could do while here.

Should I.. talk to someone? I don't know how to tell people these things.

Illustration

I have to do a presentation tomorrow in Illustration class. I'm pretty ready so yay, but what I'm not ready for is the assignment due Wednesday. I am so stuck on it because it's such a boring topic. I just have a ton of really bad sketches of Lizzie Borden and jail cells. Aside from this assignment though this has been a really enjoyable and educational class for me. These are the two projects that were for illustration:

For figure sculpture, my professor liked the sketches but wants me to kind of have more to it to kind of tell what's going on better. So I have to figure out some time to work on that so I can start sculpting ASAP. Not much of this semester left.