Okayy

Didn't get to present today. My professor doesn't know what he's doing half the time, it seems.

Anyway, I'm really questioning a lot of things lately with school and my future. I am terrified of taking the wrong.. "path" so I started school hoping it would help me find that right path. But I'm starting to think this will be a waste of time. I can't make friends, so no networking. My art has improved but I don't have any classes left that will actually improve my work more, which will make things till I can transfer so torturous. No time for art and not doing much art? Agh.

I worry constantly about if someone dislikes me, or if they're friendly to me I wonder what they're really thinking. I know I'm looked down on because I'm... me.. I don't like it. I want more confidence, but I don't want to gain that and gain respect through not being me, if that makes sense. Really, the only thing I'm at least a little confident in is my art. Confident in knowing I can improve that but then what's the point if my art gets better and I don't get anywhere?

I'm just so detached, from everything. I'm impatient, I want something so I can feel like I'm alive. I miss when I could wake up in the morning and be ready for another day of new opportunities. Not waking up at 1 p.m., not caring what time it is or what day it is and thinking about death all the time, wondering when it will be my time to go when I should be thinking about what things I could do while here.

Should I.. talk to someone? I don't know how to tell people these things.