Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I wanna go back for a bit to talking about anxiety and depression and whatnot.

I've been pretty happy lately because I have been somehow socializing more. I guess it's one of the main things I needed, which makes sense since only having my mind to talk to most of the time is not a good thing. Not for anyone.

But I noticed while I'm trying to be happy this little feeling of.. fear or.. something pops up, and it tells me that I can't be happy. It says that if I'm happy I will die because... it seems to think that I just shouldn't be happy? and I start imagining I could die in some freak accident or something that could just happen suddenly to my body. It's weird, and I try to ignore it. I guess when I have time to think about it too much it can almost consume me. Just doing my best not to let it bring me back down to where I was.

I watch movies and such at night before sleeping because they help keep me preoccupied. Though I can't think of any movie yet to watch tonight.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Figure Sculpture concepts

Some ideas for my figure sculpture project. Not sure if I want to do alien or Mei. The second one kinda has more meaning to it than the first one but I guess we'll see what happens when I talk to my professor about it. 


My anxiety hasn't been too bad lately. But I still think about stuff too much that I really shouldn't bother thinking about. That's kind of what the second concept portrays. School is trying to get overwhelming but too I'm doing my best to keep things feeling under control.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


Trying to design my own alien species. Dx
Kinda looks more like some kinda plant person. Not sure yet what color it should be so.. I was testing out some.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

A work in progress:


I noticed I can't really sit at the desktop computer to draw as long as I used to. My neck is just too messed up. But anyway, this is my OC Mei as the warrior, and the archer Mei's girlfriend Sable, which is my girlfriend's OC.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Okay. I decided (kind of). I'm going to use the blog for... talking about anxiety and depression and I guessss talk about how I deal with it or whatever and stuff like that. Maybe it'll help someone or people would be able to help me in some way or something.

And I may also use it for my art too like.. uh... online sketchbook or something, show WIPs and whatnot. So I guess I'll start with a little intro about myself and.. my anxiety. I don't really like talking about it openly, but here we go;

I've had anxiety my whole life, though for a while it had... somewhat gone away, but it came back when I finished high school and has been torturing me since. (Which is about three years or so?) I mostly just dealt with it and hoped it'd go away on it's own. That didn't happen though and eventually I started developing depression and uh.. depersonalization or.. derealization.. or both? I get them mixed up... Whatever. I don't really likee labeling what's "wrong" with me anyway.

Finally, I gave in and went to my doctor about it. She did tests and then I was given a prescription for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety.. whatever.. stuff. but I never took it 'cause it's too scary for me. She also got me a counselor but I only went to two sessions before deciding he wasn't very good and wasn't doing much for me. So now I'm back at square one, trying to fix myself on my own, but at least with a clean bill of health  and everything, guess that helps with my health anxiety and thantaphobia.

I found out my heart palpitations were hereditary and now I take flaxseed oil softgel.. thingies. Not sure how they're working yet since I've only taken them twice but hopefully it'll help with that. I still struggle with.. regulating my breathing pretty much everyday, and eventually that sends me into small panics, but I do okay now with sitting through those till they go away.

For depression I'm just trying to have a positive attitude about things and I have quotes glued to my wall to remind myself to not be stupid. I also really screwed up my sleep schedule thanks to this stuff and now I stay up like all night and I can't fix it.... yet. It'll be nice to have my mornings back once it is better.

Um.. that's it for now I suppose. Just killing time while I can't sleep.