Silent Hill: Revelation

I just watched it today, so I'm going to rant about it. This is going to pretty much be filled with spoilers so, if you want to watch it without knowing what to expect then do not read this.

This movie failed on many levels. And while I went into it knowing... I shouldn't judge this movie by the game, some things it HAD to be done, because they threw it in there, but took away all the importance of it so they could put their crummy plot in their that makes no sense and could have been much better had they had a brain working on this film that thought about more than money.

The movie explains at some point near the beginning that the reason Sharron is back is because Rose found half the seal of Metatron and that somehow was able to be used to bring Sharron back. And Rose had to stay stuck in Silent Hill because half of it was missing. Already stupid.

One thing that bothers me, probably the most, was the appearance of Douglas. He was important in the game, and if they were to put him in the movie they should have kept him important, or just not had him at all with what few short scenes he had before just being killed off. Seriously, he comes, acts like a creeper for a minute... then another scene where he's just standing around staring at Heather, then his final scene where he explains how Harry lied to Heather about her life and then that's it, he dies. As if he really had to be there to tell her that, when she was going to go learn it herself soon anyway.

Oh, and Vincent, aaahhh Vincent. One of the coolest characters in the game for his creepy persona:

 They turned him into a high school kid the same age as Heather so they could throw in a little un-needed romance. The fuck is this?

When he kissed Heather I cringed. Because when I think of Vincent I think of that first one. If they wanted to do this, they could have have a different guy all together and kept Vincent elsewhere as his normal self. I'm sure many other fans cringed as well.

Oh, so much more to say, this movie was so full of horrible. Dahlia, she showed up for... one scene, one... very useless scene. They didn't need it, if anything, it would have been better for her to meet Claudia and learn about the order and such through her, similar to in the game.. where were Heather's headache things? The birthing a god? Even the end was a let down, but I'll get to that later. 

At one point Heather enters a room with a lot of mannequins, then she sees a person that turns into one, just a random girl. Then another that she attempts to save, she claims she "took a wrong turn" and ended up in Silent Hill. Yeah because Silent Hill just has anyone get stuck in there, right? Thankfully she dies pretty quickly, but it was another useless scene where they could have put something more meaningful. But I guess they wanted to show off their lame monster design.

Harry doesn't die,that was an emotional point for Heather in the game and without it, it just leaves the characters even flatter. In short, everything that would have been a good scene for the movie that was in the game and they could have used for their advantage was taken away and replaced with complete crap. I don't know how they thought their ideas were good. Even their monsters were lame. And the way they changed the Missionary monsters, man. Game Missionary: 

The movie missionary: 

Why, just why? They really thought that design was a good idea? And get this, Claudia turns into one of those. And there's no baby fetus eating, which was also upsetting. She just turned into this when she was handed the seal of Metatron. Oh right and Heathers battle with Alessa, if you can call it that. Didn't involve any guns or anything, it involved...

 hugging. 

They just stood there hugging each other till one died, which was the dark Alessa of course. 

This movie was a huge jumbled mess and I don't think they really knew what they were doing, and were just trying to throw in scenes with nice effects. Important characters weren't there enough, there was no sense of dread or anything that Silent Hill should make you feel. Heather had a happy ending with her little lover Vincent. 

That isn't how a horror movie should be, or how Silent Hill should be. Too happy. The way they set the end up also sounded like they may make a third movie that would be based on Silent Hill 2. Because Harry stays behind to look for Rose. So they're going to screw that up too. Already obvious by the lack of a husband killing his wife. 

If they really want to make these movies, they should be making the story their own, from scratch. Not taking the games and destroying what made them worth playing and made them enjoyable. 

Just some stuff that'll possibly never get finished. :0

Random Studies

I guess with lack of school, I still feel like I need to practice things. I've done some gesture drawings, which I'm too lazy to take pictures of, but I did a torso color study 'cause I still.. need more practice with colors (of course)

Planeshift

A lot of updates I suppose to my non-existent followers.

1. Taking break from school so I guess I'll be having a slow half a year.

2. I started a volunteer job with Atomic Blue working on the MMORPG Planeshift. It's been in a beta stage for years now, and they are pretty slow moving because of the lack of dedicated volunteers. http://www.planeshift.it/index.php check it out if you're interested in such things.

3. Lastly, I'm planning on starting a comic. I guess it will be sort of slice of life-ish, as well as F/F (of course). It's gonna be about a crazy cat lady couple. Their names are in the drawing, but in case you can't read my terrible handwriting the names of the two characters are Benne and Anise. The cats are Patricia, Elsa, Monique, and Heather. (Yeah weird names, I know. But don't crazy cat ladies give their cats weird names anyway?)

Okay, so I guess that was a quick, short update. But it felt like a lot in my head. 

Pretty much done

It doesn't look exact, but for some reason it still resembles her anyway. The colors still aren't very good either but I think I did at least learn something from this practice.

Little late 'cause I'm lazy. But here's my Figure sculpture homework Final. I got an A. 

Also my comic for illustration... dunno what the grade I got on it is though:

So I've been doing absolutely nothing everyday since school finished.... decided to practice coloring, here's a WIP of a painting of my girlfriend:

It's alright so far, feels like something is off though and I'm pretty nervous about adding the details to the skin. 

Need to be more productive.. sit around too much. Gonna get fat and stuff. 

One Sculpture Finished

the one that was worked on in class is done now... though I could probably fix the feet and hands.. if I finish everything else I'll work on those more.

More Progress

We only have one more class left with the model so this is getting pretty close to completion.. even though it doesn't look it. XD 

My illustration project is kind of coming along.. slowly but.. it's hard for me to think when it's so close to the end of the semester.

Sculpture Homework

This is my progress on the home assignment for class. I kinda started working on the face a little cause.. I felt like doing that I guess. Probably shouldn't have yet, lol.. but it looks weird so far, hopefully will look better when it's done..

Just a few more weeks left of the semester. There's so much to do that I don't think I can get done in time.

but instead of get stuff done I've been playing Minecraft, lol. So today I've been trying to just do work, but I feel like there's too much holding me back. The next illustration project wasn't explained well enough, and even after talking to my professor I'm still lost. I think he doesn't even know what he's asking us to do sometimes.

The other professors, if you're stuck somehow say things that just make everything click. But this professor, he'll say stuff and it just makes you feel dumb, and then you're still stuck. I feel like he shouldn't be teaching.

Then uh, I gotta cast the bust that I did, as well as do a sculpture at home. But I don't even know how to break open the mold after I cast so I'm horrified of killing it.

Two thingies to write for art history...

I'm not worried about math though, which is also the only thing I'm willing to do... for once.

My anxiety has been fine lately aside from it being hard to breathe sometimes. In my sculpture class on Fridays I tend to get weak for some reason and there have been a couple times I've almost passed out. I know it's not from anxiety. I don't know if it's from not eating breakfast or something... it doesn't really make sense.

Meh. anyway that's.. about it. Yay talking to myself.

Gawd I feel like shiiit today...
I felt like shit yesterday too, I almost passed out in figure sculpture class.

Today I feel really lightheaded and dizzy and just all around bad.. so I've been sculpting and watching movies hoping I'll feel better. Seems to just make me feel worse though, lol.

Anyway, here's.. kinda what's done of my in class sculpture. Well, it's a little further along now I took this halfway through the class.
We have I think.. one.. or.. two more sessions..? possibly a weekend if the model is available. I really really really enjoy sculpting figures just as much as I love drawing them. I'll probably end up doing more with this stuff , but I still dislike mold making, so if I wanted stuff cast I guess I'd have to hire people. XD

Goddammit

This redo of the project is due tomorrow, I haven't worked on it at all because every time I look at it I get so angry. ..

Sigh..

Silent Hill Downpour

I wanted to do review for Silent Hill: Downpour. but before I do that I want to rage about my illustration class... just a little.
That Lizzie Borden project I was happy to be done with, well I have to redo the whole thing. Which makes me very angry. The things that need to be fixed involve too much work and pretty much has to just be redone or else it'd look all sloppy. Kind of glad I did it in graphite now rather than using ink.

Now, Downpour. I got it because I'm impatient, I wanted to wait for a price drop. And while I certainly done regret purchasing the game at the full price, it's always better to save money still. Oh well, I need games to keep me sane. So the frame rate issues and such everyone has been complaining about, that is most definitely a problem. It annoyed me when it did happen and really a game that's released, I believe, shouldn't even have any of these problems. Also they still haven't put a patch out to fix this problem and I don't know what they're waiting for. They have time to mess around on Facebook but not fix a game that people paid for.

In this Silent Hill you don't get to keep most the weapons you obtain. Because they break, so it's like a... pick it up and beat shit till it breaks, then find another. Bullets are rare, and it actually took me a while to come across a gun anyway but I've always been more the melee type so having no gun didn't bother me. I also saw the picking up objects to use for weapons as a nice thing too because it's kind of more realistic. First Aid kits are also kind of rare, so most of the time I was limping around half dead, but that didn't bother me either.

Atmosphere was.. different but I could feel... something right about it at least. The thing I believe it lacked was the sounds that could easily freak you out in all the past Silent Hills. In this one it was.. well, too silent. XD but aside from that I really did enjoy exploring Silent Hill more than I've been able to in any past ones. They did a good job with the town and I even now want to go back and explore more. There are side quests so that's even better, it makes the game a bit longer. The fear factor of monsters was kind of lost. I remember in the old Silent Hill's I was scared to enter a room because I didn't know what would be behind that door. This one I knew that there wasn't going to be anything behind most doors, and when there was they didn't even approach me half the time. A lot of the monsters like to walk backwards.. away from me...

Speaking of monsters, they were probably the weakest part of the game. There were only four monsters and all  of them were way too humanoid in their design, not scary. One was a blow up sex doll, then there was these monsters in high heels that looked like band members of Korn(Or maybe it's just because of that terrible song they thought would go well with the game.)... and there were these tall things that look like they're dancing when they walk. And lastly there was the guys that just looked like muscular.. guys.
They were all pretty uncreative, I can't see what symbolism they had to connect to Murphy and his story, his reason for being there, especially the sex doll. I think they should fire the monster designers and hire better people.

The otherworld... I think it could have been interesting if I had time to really look at it. But that blasted red light thing that chases you ruins it. It wasn't scary and more of an annoyance... when the otherworld is supposed to be something I absolutely dread because it's horrifying(The good dread..).

I enjoyed the story, I was genuinely curious about Murphy's past and what put him where he was. But I was also curious about the other characters he was meeting. Unfortunately not much was said about them though, and I wish there had been more depth to their stories because I feel it would have given the whole games story more depth and importance too. Aside from them I enjoyed Murphy's story a lot, I thought it was great and up to par with the older Silent Hill's. Probably the best part of the whole game next to the exploration and atmosphere of the town.

I thinnnk that's all I really want to say about it. I liked the game, and I do want to replay it for what I enjoy about it. Unfortunately there are still quite a few downsides so it can't have a better score than maybe... 6 or 7/10 I think is a fair rating. It's average but gives me hope if the developers can realize their mistakes and do better next time around.

This is probably a really disorganized review. Oh well. xD

Lizzie Borden

Glad to finally have this "done". Critique today. I don't really care for it. First project for this class that I haven't been at least a little happy with at the end of it.

Sculptuuure

Progress on my figure sculpture for class. I thiink we worked for four hours. 

I went to open lab today to try and get my casting done, but the plaster was no good so I will have to buy more. Blehh, I just want to get that bust done and out of the way.

Lately I've been feeling really "auto-pilot" like. Hopefully it'll go away, I prefer feeling like I'm actually uh.. here and.. real and stuff. 

Some Stuff

WIP of project for Illustration:

I actually skipped Illustration today because I felt like it would be a waste of time and gas to go. anyway, this is due Monday. 

And the start of my figure for my Figure Sculpture class:

Don't really know if I did it all right but I'll find out Friday~

Okayy

Didn't get to present today. My professor doesn't know what he's doing half the time, it seems.

Anyway, I'm really questioning a lot of things lately with school and my future. I am terrified of taking the wrong.. "path" so I started school hoping it would help me find that right path. But I'm starting to think this will be a waste of time. I can't make friends, so no networking. My art has improved but I don't have any classes left that will actually improve my work more, which will make things till I can transfer so torturous. No time for art and not doing much art? Agh.

I worry constantly about if someone dislikes me, or if they're friendly to me I wonder what they're really thinking. I know I'm looked down on because I'm... me.. I don't like it. I want more confidence, but I don't want to gain that and gain respect through not being me, if that makes sense. Really, the only thing I'm at least a little confident in is my art. Confident in knowing I can improve that but then what's the point if my art gets better and I don't get anywhere?

I'm just so detached, from everything. I'm impatient, I want something so I can feel like I'm alive. I miss when I could wake up in the morning and be ready for another day of new opportunities. Not waking up at 1 p.m., not caring what time it is or what day it is and thinking about death all the time, wondering when it will be my time to go when I should be thinking about what things I could do while here.

Should I.. talk to someone? I don't know how to tell people these things.

Illustration

I have to do a presentation tomorrow in Illustration class. I'm pretty ready so yay, but what I'm not ready for is the assignment due Wednesday. I am so stuck on it because it's such a boring topic. I just have a ton of really bad sketches of Lizzie Borden and jail cells. Aside from this assignment though this has been a really enjoyable and educational class for me. These are the two projects that were for illustration:

For figure sculpture, my professor liked the sketches but wants me to kind of have more to it to kind of tell what's going on better. So I have to figure out some time to work on that so I can start sculpting ASAP. Not much of this semester left. 

I wanna go back for a bit to talking about anxiety and depression and whatnot.

I've been pretty happy lately because I have been somehow socializing more. I guess it's one of the main things I needed, which makes sense since only having my mind to talk to most of the time is not a good thing. Not for anyone.

But I noticed while I'm trying to be happy this little feeling of.. fear or.. something pops up, and it tells me that I can't be happy. It says that if I'm happy I will die because... it seems to think that I just shouldn't be happy? and I start imagining I could die in some freak accident or something that could just happen suddenly to my body. It's weird, and I try to ignore it. I guess when I have time to think about it too much it can almost consume me. Just doing my best not to let it bring me back down to where I was.

I watch movies and such at night before sleeping because they help keep me preoccupied. Though I can't think of any movie yet to watch tonight.

Figure Sculpture concepts

Some ideas for my figure sculpture project. Not sure if I want to do alien or Mei. The second one kinda has more meaning to it than the first one but I guess we'll see what happens when I talk to my professor about it. 

My anxiety hasn't been too bad lately. But I still think about stuff too much that I really shouldn't bother thinking about. That's kind of what the second concept portrays. School is trying to get overwhelming but too I'm doing my best to keep things feeling under control.

Trying to design my own alien species. Dx
Kinda looks more like some kinda plant person. Not sure yet what color it should be so.. I was testing out some.

A work in progress:

I noticed I can't really sit at the desktop computer to draw as long as I used to. My neck is just too messed up. But anyway, this is my OC Mei as the warrior, and the archer Mei's girlfriend Sable, which is my girlfriend's OC.

Okay. I decided (kind of). I'm going to use the blog for... talking about anxiety and depression and I guessss talk about how I deal with it or whatever and stuff like that. Maybe it'll help someone or people would be able to help me in some way or something.

And I may also use it for my art too like.. uh... online sketchbook or something, show WIPs and whatnot. So I guess I'll start with a little intro about myself and.. my anxiety. I don't really like talking about it openly, but here we go;

I've had anxiety my whole life, though for a while it had... somewhat gone away, but it came back when I finished high school and has been torturing me since. (Which is about three years or so?) I mostly just dealt with it and hoped it'd go away on it's own. That didn't happen though and eventually I started developing depression and uh.. depersonalization or.. derealization.. or both? I get them mixed up... Whatever. I don't really likee labeling what's "wrong" with me anyway.

Finally, I gave in and went to my doctor about it. She did tests and then I was given a prescription for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety.. whatever.. stuff. but I never took it 'cause it's too scary for me. She also got me a counselor but I only went to two sessions before deciding he wasn't very good and wasn't doing much for me. So now I'm back at square one, trying to fix myself on my own, but at least with a clean bill of health  and everything, guess that helps with my health anxiety and thantaphobia.

I found out my heart palpitations were hereditary and now I take flaxseed oil softgel.. thingies. Not sure how they're working yet since I've only taken them twice but hopefully it'll help with that. I still struggle with.. regulating my breathing pretty much everyday, and eventually that sends me into small panics, but I do okay now with sitting through those till they go away.

For depression I'm just trying to have a positive attitude about things and I have quotes glued to my wall to remind myself to not be stupid. I also really screwed up my sleep schedule thanks to this stuff and now I stay up like all night and I can't fix it.... yet. It'll be nice to have my mornings back once it is better.

Um.. that's it for now I suppose. Just killing time while I can't sleep.

Yay

I don't know what to do with this blog thing.